well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
