Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
