god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
