When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
