Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
