I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
