I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
