turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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