So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
