Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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