Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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