Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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