this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
