hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
