Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
