I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
