i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
