so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
