I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
