How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
