OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
