New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
