He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
