I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
