i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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