Say something about gay babies.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
