I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
