If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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