WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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