I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
