So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
