HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
