Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
