I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
