that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
