That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
