Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
