If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
