We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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