Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
