hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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