I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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