They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
