He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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