I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
