I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
