I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She bit a glass in half.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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