...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
