You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
