Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
