I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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